tricksters_queen: Beautiful picture, which looks very much like it's title "darkest night", makes me think of dark dreams. (darkest night)
We're finally getting a cold snap. It's coming at a bloody dreadful time - tomorrow morning, way too early, we get to go to a graveyard. And it's supposed to be frelling freezing. A little below, actually, at the time we're going to be there. I despise the cold.
tricksters_queen: Waxing poetic about love and pain - of which I have much of the former and little of the latter.  ::shrugs:: (save me)
Solitude is where it tends to hit me really hard...
I keep myself in company, I'm keeping up my guard.
I turn my back and hide from what is standing right behind...

So twist one more although I know you'l break me
Just be sure that I'm still in the game
As long as I forever keep on twisting
Evade the pain...

I keep posting song lyrics, but it's not really music that I'm hearing in my head. I think I've figured out how I'm dealing with my grief...and I think I should probably look into some grief counseling after all. When I get frustrated or stressed, I just start screaming in my head. I suspect that may not be healthy, but admittedly, it does save my throat and voice the trouble of screaming out loud.

The small things are just more difficult for me to deal with: annoying customers, packing up the apartment, stupid things that normally wouldn't be bothering me. They get to me, and I just start mentally screaming. It's long, and loud, and honestly, keeping up with all the things I'm supposed to do is just...exhausting. I find myself tired after even a short or easy day of working. Packing has become so frustrating that I have taken to throwing things out just so I don't need to pack them after only working on things for about an hour. That's not entirely bad, actually - I have accumulated an awful lot of junk in the past four years. Throwing things away makes me feel better, weirdly.

Anyway, that's my (not terribly hyper-happy) post for today. I'm sure things will get better - once we're moved, I suspect a lot of my stress will be relieved. Maybe I'll stop screaming so much...

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tricksters_queen

August 2012

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